Another Perspective
by woobloo97
Summary: Robin's POV, throughout the series.
1. Blondie

A/N: If people like this I'll write more. Review please! I'm very open to criticism!

Robin's thoughts during "Pilot."

Robin Scherbatsky was at a bar. It was September of 2005 and she was a little homesick and even more sick of her job. She was tired of her friends (she hung out with them because they too had recently moved from Canada but they were also kind of losers). But right now she was in a good mood. She would have been in a better mood if she had been allowed to talk to guys; her recently dumped friend was putting kind of a damper on her spirits; but regardless of all that, she had had a good day at work (she had reported on a fire someone had started when putting clothing in the microwave (apparently, to dry it out). Hey, she was up to minor disasters now, right?) Damn, she wished she were allowed to go talk to guys. There were some hotties here tonight. Like- ooh, look at that blonde guy in the suit. He was really smoking. He looked like a sleazebag- he had hit on three different women just in the brief time she had been watching him- but still, smoking. She watched him get slapped in the face, ignored, and- awesome- a drink thrown in his face. She giggled. That looked like fun. She wished he'd come hit on her so she could throw a drink in his face. Although- she straightened up a little bit- she was definitely not a blonde bimbo with daddy issues. She was a strong, self-confident woman with daddy issues. Not exactly his type, by the look of it. Oh, well... Was he coming over? Was he? No, he was just going up to talk to some guy at the bar. She tried to quell the little tang of disappointment. He was a sleazebag.

"I'll get the next round," she said, and got up.

"Robin?"

"Cathy?" It was an old acquaintance, whom she hadn't seen since her days as...

"Robin Sparkles! How are you? It's been forever!"

"Hey, Cathy!" Cathy had been a nice girl. Robin was happy to see her. "How are you?"

"I'm doing really well. I'm actually working for the mayor."

"Oh my gosh! That's fantastic!"

"I know, right? I'm feeling pretty successful at the moment..." Robin was half listening. If she remembered correctly, Cathy was chatty. She snuck a glance at the bar. Blondie was indignant over something. She wished she could hear what. His friend was staring at her with puppy dog eyes. She smiled instinctively. He was kind of cute. Not anything on Blondie, but-

Cathy's voice cut into her thoughts. "Anyway, that's pretty much what's up with me. What's new with you? What brings you to New York, Robin Sparkles?"

"I'm actually a reporter now, for Metro News One."

"That's awesome!"

"Yeah." Robin didn't feel like getting into the tedium of her work life. "Well, I'd better go. My friends are waiting for me to get the next round. But we should definitely get together sometime." Robin had no intention of 'getting together sometime.'

"Absolutely! I'll call you!"

"Well, see you!" Robin moved on. As she was getting the drinks, she felt a tap on her shoulder and felt a thrill in her stomach (but seriously, she couldn't have, she would think later. Who gets "thrills" in their stomach, Scherbatsky?). She looked up and there was Blondie. For a second she was thrilled. Maybe she would have the pleasure of throwing a drink in his face after all.

"Hi, have you met Ted?"

Of COURSE- he was introducing her to his friend. She gave herself a millisecond of disappointment, during which she watched Blondie walk away (damn it, he really was hot) then turned to Puppy Dog Eyes and smiled.

"Let me guess- Ted."

* * *

Robin went home that night alone. She didn't go to bed right away, and instead curled up on the couch with her dogs to channel surf. She grinned at the memory of throwing the drink in Ted's face. It HAD been fun. It would have been more fun, of course, if it had been a real sleazebag. Like Blondie. Blondie... she hadn't caught his name. She made a mental note to ask about him on her date tomorrow. What a puppy-eyed guy like Ted was doing hanging out with a guy like Blondie, she didn't know. Ted was quite nice. And he was cute. She shrugged, thinking that maybe she could date him for a little while. Of course not permanently. Relationships... inwardly she shuddered a little bit, thinking of her dumped friend. Ugh. She would NEVER end up like that. No, no long term commitment for her... Her eyes closed sleepily as one of her dogs licked her foot.

* * *

When Robin had seen Ted at her window, carrying the blue French horn he had stolen for her, one thought raced through her head.

I really need to get laid.

She smiled. "Come on up."

* * *

After Ted had gone home that night, Robin sat on the couch, breathing a little more quickly than normal. Ugh. Ted's "I love you" had brought up her commitment issues in a whole new way. She took a few minutes to calm herself down. It's okay. She didn't have to go get married and have babies. Dammit. Why did she have to think of babies? Freaky little things.

When she was breathing normally again, she pondered the events of the night. It was really too bad. She had really liked Ted, as much as any guy she'd ever dated. And she had really wanted to get laid tonight. She had even given him another chance, with that handshake. She had wanted to get laid so much, she was willing to sleep with a guy who had said "I love you" to her. On the first date.

She had liked Ted. She had thought that if they had dated, she could have ditched her loser friends. Maybe he had better ones. But- oh, well. She shrugged. She wasn't cut up about it.

As she was turning off the light, she inwardly cursed. She had forgotten to ask Ted about Blondie. She had meant to do it, but he had started talking about scotch and she had gotten distracted. Mmmm. Scotch. She wondered idly if Blondie liked scotch. She thought she had seen him drinking it last night.

Damn it. She wished she had asked.

But, oh well. She would never see Blondie again. She might have done. If she and Ted had gone out for a little while. And she would have made fun of his sleazy ways. And drank scotch. And- okay, she was obviously tired. It had been a long night.

Robin drifted off to sleep, yet again imagining throwing a drink in Blondie's face.


	2. A Little Confused

A/N: Robin's thoughts during "Purple Giraffe"

Robin was at MacLaren's again, this time alone. She wasn't quite sure why. She had been bored after work (or, let's face it, bored by work) and she really didn't feel like listening to her friends moan over their love lives. She didn't plan to end up there again, but she just happened to be passing by, and she figured what the hell. Maybe she'd pick up a guy. Or meet some new friends who got dumped less often. Or run into Ted. Or Ted's incredibly hot blonde friend. Yes, she might as well go get a drink. Alone. How sad.

She had no sooner taken her seat at the bar when she felt a tap at her shoulder. She turned around.

"Hey, are you the reporter from Metro News One?"

She beamed at the perky looking redheaded girl. She had never gotten recognized before. People were really watching!

"Yeah, I am! Are you a fan?"

"Sort of, I guess. I'm Ted's friend Lily. Your name is Robin, right?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'm Robin."

"So... what are you doing at a bar alone on a Friday night?"

"So sad, right? Actually, I'm just sick of my friends. They won't shut up moping about their pathetic love lives. It's really getting on my nerves."

"Do you want to hang out with me? I promise I won't mope about my pathetic love life."

Robin smiled. "Sure."

They ordered drinks. Robin looked at Lily. "So, you're friends with Ted?"

"Oh yeah. We've known each other since college. He and my fiance are best friends."

"You're engaged? Congratulations!"

"Thanks! So... what do we think of Ted?"

"Ted?" What did Robin think of Ted? He was... perfectly fine? Seemed like a nice guy? Those sounded pathetic, even to her. Besides, they didn't quite fit the guy who said "I love you" on a first date. "Ted's something else. Comes on a little strong."

"But... that's part of his charm."

"Oh, totally," Robin said quickly. "I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just... looking for something a little bit more serious than I am." Robin inwardly snickered. Just a little bit. "I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual." She looked at Lily and realized that these words would probably make their way back to Ted. Damn it. She didn't need Ted showing up at her window with roses telling her that he too was just looking for something casual. "This just stays between us, right?"

"Are you kidding? This flapper, Fort Knox."

"Thanks," said Robin, only partially reassured. Then something occurred to her. If Lily knew Ted, than maybe she knew Blondie, too. She wasn't sure why she wanted to know about him so badly, but she had to ask. "So, do you and Ted hang out here a lot?"

"Yeah, all the time. Ted, Marshall- he's my fiance- Barney, and I."

"Barney?" Blondie?

"Oh, he's just a sort of friend of ours. He's such an idiot. You know the type. Constantly hitting on women in the most sleazy ways possible."

"I think I saw him here when I met Ted. Blonde hair? Drinks scotch? Got slapped three times by various blonde bimbos?"

"That's him, alright. Honestly, I'm not sure why we hang out with him. He's got more issues than you can count. Well, do you want to sit down?"

Robin wanted to keep talking about Blondie-Barney, but she didn't know what else to say. "Sure."

"Here. This is our booth."

"So, Lily, where do you work?"

* * *

"And then, I realized that it wasn't an animal in the fish tank after all, it was just Andrew, one of my students."

"You mistook one of your students for a raccoon?"

"Well, in my defense-" Suddenly Lily looked up. There was Ted and another, equally doofy-looking guy.

"Robin." Ted looked startled.

"Hey," Robin smiled.

"Look who I ran into!" said Lily.

"Since when do you guys know each other?"

"Oh, since about... here." Robin felt indifferent in Ted's presence. Was that how you were supposed to feel about a guy whom you had recently dated? "Lily recognized me from the news and... hello, sailor!" She turned to see Lily and the other guy, whom she figured must be Marshall, making out.

"They just got engaged," Ted explained. Lily fluttered her ring at Robin for the third time.

Robin smiled, then remembered- work. "Okay, well I should get back to the station. See you guys," she added, hoping that maybe they all could hang out sometime. Ted didn't seem too weird or anything, so that was a good sign. Although... why wasn't he more weird? He couldn't be over her already, could he? Did he just go around saying, "I love you," to every girl? She couldn't resist, then, saying in a flirtatious way, "Nice seeing you, Ted."

"Yeah, you too." There was the puppy dog look. She turned- and there was Barney, not paying any attention to her at all. But why should she care? Okay, her fixation with him was getting a little weird. She strode hurriedly out of the bar.

* * *

A week later, she was finishing up reporting yet another 'story,' this time at a local supermarket. She turned and- "Ted!"

He was sweaty. Weird. "Robin, wow, what are the odds?"

"What are you doing here?"

"Oh, just... shopping, for, uh, dip. I love dip... I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip, you know, as a friend, you know, heh..." She smiled suspiciously. She really, really hoped he wasn't stalking her. "So, hey, you reporting a news story or something?"

"Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news," she said.

"Wow, kid in a crane machine"

"Mm-hmm."

"You just had to have that toy, didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else?"

"You're all sweaty." Kids were brats, Robin thought, though she had just been thinking the same thing.

"Cute kid," Ted said in a strained tone. She grinned. "You know, it's so funny I should run into you, we're having a party next Friday, if you feel like swinging by, but, you know, whatever..."

Damn it, Lily. She had clearly told Ted about their little conversation. "Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight." Thank God she had a valid excuse. Although, maybe the party wouldn't have been too awkward. Scratch that. Ted sprinting down here to tell her about their party definitely was not a good sign.

"It is, it's tonight." Of course. "This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Yeah, sorry, guess I've been saying "next Friday" all week, but yeah, tonight, the party's tonight, but, you know, whatever..."

"Oh, well then, I guess I'll be there." And she promptly put it out of her mind. She did not want Ted, nice as he was, making his puppy face at her all night. Although Blondie- Barney- would probably have been there. But- why the hell was that a reason to come?

* * *

The next morning, she called Ted to apologize for not showing.

"I'm so sorry I missed your party."

"Who is this? Meredith?"

Wait, did he really not recognize her voice? She was memorable, wasn't she? Ted should love her, even if she only liked him. "Robin," she said, and wished she wasn't so insecure.

"Oh, Robin, hey, yeah, guess you never showed up, did you?"

"No, I got stuck at work." (This was actually true.) "But, they finally got that kid out of that crane machine."

"Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?"

"Yeah. They let him keep all of the toys. He was in there a long time, and little kids have small bladders." Ugh. Yet another reason to hate kids. "I wish your party was tonight," she said, unable to resist reeling him in just a little bit.

"It is, the party's tonight. It's a two day party, 'cuz that's just how we roll. So if you wanna swing by you know, it's casual. See ya." Damn it. Serve her right. She should have known he would do that. She preened a little. He really was obsessed with her, wasn't he? No, Scherbatsky. Not now. No ego-boosting. You like this guy, just not in that way. This is bad. But what else could she say?

Or maybe she did like him. Maybe it wasn't just that he was fairly cute and quite nice and really made her feel much better about herself. Maybe that was what love was. She considered her experience. There was Simon, but that had been teenage infatuation. And there was her parents. Well, that mess was nothing like her and Ted. She shuddered. And there had been Marshall and Lily. But she would never be like that, all makey-out and adorable. Disgusting. But maybe this, how she felt about Ted, were how feelings felt.

No, because what she had told Lily was true, and Ted wanted to get married and have babies. And his little speech that eventful night, about how he would make "a damn good husband," had not been endearing, as she supposed he had meant it to be, but had rather filled her with panic even though she thought it was rather sweet. So she couldn't pursue this thing, and she couldn't come to the party.

Okay, now she was getting all introspective and crap. Too bad. She needed someone to call and pull her out of this funk. Like that Barney guy. She'd bet he wasn't all touchy-feely. And why did he keep strolling into her brain at the most random of times?

* * *

"Hi, Ted."

"Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda."

"It's Robin," she said, smiling a little smugly because he had overdone it and she had seen through his little act.

"Oh, Robin, ha ha, hi."

"I totally wanted to come, I got stuck at work again, I feel like I live there." (This was only partly true; she did feel like she lived at work, but she had not been stuck there last night. Sorry, Ted.) "I'm sorry I missed your party again."

"Hey, ain't nothing but a chicken wing, Mamacita." She raised her eyebrows before she remembered she was on the phone.

"I guess there's no chance that your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer." Because even Ted couldn't be that crazy, right?

"It did indeed. The party continues tonight." OF COURSE. "Yeah, last night, people were like, 'Keep it going, bro, party trifecta!'"

She couldn't help but smile even though she was also tempted to sigh. He really was kind of a dork.

"Wow, okay, well I'll be there." She couldn't help the sarcasm in her voice.

"Great, see you tonight."

Robin weighed her options. She could go to the party and start something up with Ted, even though she knew it was wrong, or she could do the sane thing and stay home. She had almost decided on the latter when Barney's face broke into her mind. She shoved the image away, but a few seconds later had decided to go. She really couldn't make any more reasonable excuses, she thought, and didn't question her motives any further.

* * *

"So you threw all these parties for me?"

Although she had suspected it, there was something a little shocking hearing Marshall say it. This meant that it was very deliberate and that his friends were in on it too.

"What? Noo- oh you thought that- oh, noo- okay, yes, you got me- ha ha- one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to, um, this guy," and there was Barney, out of nowhere (oh who was she kidding, she had been watching him all night) and he pushed a guy forward, and she couldn't help looking at Barney for just a second because he was really, really hot- "uh, I figured since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it, ha ha-" (Good Lord, he really did sound like a teenage girl!) "Anyway, Robin, this is-" he paused. Clearly he had no idea who this guy was.

"Carlos."

"Hi, Carlos." He was good looking, seemed like kind of an idiot, perfect one night stand. She hadn't been with anyone for four and a half weeks and she needed it bad.

* * *

She sat flirting with Carlos at the sofa, only occasionally glancing at Blond- Barney. She was amused by his antics. He had hit on every single woman here four times, including Lily. Except her. She was just a little offended. I mean, she was talking to another guy, sure, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least check her out or something.

"Wanna see the roof?" Carlos said, interrupting her thoughts.

* * *

"Ted." Of course.

"Could you give us a minute?" he asked Carlos. Please say no, please say no.

"Hey, no sweat, hombre." Damn. But what was she going to say? Hey, I know that you're madly in love with me, but I really want to get laid right now and you're sort of interfering with that?

"Robin, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you."

Obviously, Robin thought. But he was cute. How bad would it be if she slept with him right now? "Well, here I am." Good Lord, what was he going to say?

"There's something here, unless I'm crazy." He looked like a dog, with those eyes and that begging manner. She felt a vague something tug at her heart.

"You're not crazy. I- I dunno, Ted, I mean, we barely know each other, and it's like- like-" she could feel the panic again, not helped by his eager, "Like what?"

"Like- let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice." Hell on earth, she thought, not for the first time. What was wrong with her?

"I'm not going to force sports on them unless they're interested." And she laughed nervously, because he wasn't denying it.

"It's a great look." And she meant that half-sincerely. "But you're looking at the wrong girl."

"No I'm not." Why couldn't he let her go?

"Yes, you are." What could she stay to stop that awful look? "I don't want to get married now, maybe ever, and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart, and I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel."

A pause, then: "Click. Off. Let's make out."

She laughed. "What?"

"What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, sure, I want to fall in love, get married, blah blah blah, but on the other hand... you... me... the Roof..."

"There's no off switch."

"There is an off switch, and it's off." She wished that were true. Then they could sleep together.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is." If it were true, than they would date for a while, and who knows what would happen. She might make friends with Lily. Or Barney.

The thought of Barney made her voice a little giggly as she said, once again, "No, it's not."

"Yes, it is." And he kissed her.

Despite his claims, he was only an okay kisser. But still quite cute.

Suddenly, he paused, and after a few seconds, drew away. "No it's not." Damn it, Ted. "You're right, there's no off switch." She had been this close into deluding herself that he might be right, that there was an off switch. She really hadn't felt that way before, so she really only had a theoretical idea of what she was dealing with. "GOD I wish there was an off switch."

She sighed. Oh well. This was the second time she had found herself in this situation with him. Shouldn't she be feeling something more than "oh well"?

"Me too." It sounded a little cold, but what could you do?

They laughed awkwardly, and hemmed and hawed.

"What do we do now?" said Ted.

"We could be friends," she said, and meant it. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Then she could hang out with Marshall and Lily- and Barney- without awkwardness when their inevitable break up came. Plus, Ted was such a nice guy, she really wouldn't mind having him for a friend too.

But of course he couldn't do that. Instead he went for the theatrics. "Ooh," he said, clutching his heart.

"Look." She really wanted this. "I know it sounds insincere when people say that, but- we could." Please. She tried not to beg.

"Oh, Robin. I made such a jackass of myself, we start hanging out, it'll be all, 'Oh, that's right, I'm a jackass.'"

"You're not a jackass." He wasn't. He was a really nice guy, with really nice friends- not including Barney- and she really needed friends. Okay, Ted, she thought. If you want me to play the pity card, I'll play the pity card.

"Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April, and I'm always working and I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand." There. If that doesn't do the trick, nothing will.

"Well, uh, maybe in a few months, after it's not so fresh, we can all, uh, you know- get a beer."

"Yeah." She gave a good 'rejected' look. Come on, Ted, let me be your friend. "That sounds good. I, uh, will see you, Ted." She walked away, and- sure enough-

"Or, you know, now." She stopped and turned. "We could all get a beer now."

And she smiled. He was a nice guy. "I'd like that."

"My friends are gonna love you- like you- you know, as a friend. Jackass."

Her stomach fluttered with excitement. She would finally get to talk to Barney. She had so many good lines saved up for him. She had lain awake thinking of them.

* * *

And she had gone downstairs with Ted, to MacLaren's, and took the seat next to Barney. He was just as funny and crass and indignant and awesome as she had imagined. She had used all her lines and bantered with him shamelessly. And she had reveled in it. It was exactly what she had been looking for- people to hang out with who were not lame and were warm and funny and- she found herself thinking of Barney again. He was really awesome. She had felt a little bad for him- she was sure there was more to him than the rest of them seemed to see- but making fun of him was just as satisfying as she had pictured. Not that she had pictured it, of course. Tomorrow she would get up and go to work and go to MacLaren's. And if she ever wanted to hang out with Ted and Marshall and Lily- and Barney- again, she really had to stop fantasizing about the latter. Because it would get weird. And he was definitely not her type. Her type? Where had that came from? She needed to stop being this blunt in her thoughts. She shuddered.

Whatever. The point was, she now had friends, she was convinced of that. And Ted wasn't too weird. She would find him the best girl. Eventually. She had to admit, it was flattering to have such a nice, cute guy interested in her. But she had had fun using Barney's line on that random skank.


	3. The Meat Market

A/N: Robin's thoughts during "Sweet Taste of Liberty"

Let's go to MacLaren's," Lily's voice said over the phone.

"Alright. But, Lily, I can't wait. I HAVE to tell you this one story about work today..." And Robin launched into a very long, very inappropriate story involving three crows, a peanut butter sandwich, a wallet, and a couple of her camera guys. When she was finished, Lily didn't even say a word, just sighed and hung up the phone. Robin rolled her eyes. Apparently, sometimes her new friend could be just a little squeamish.

* * *

"Hey, Lily." Robin sat down. She grinned. "What's with hanging up on me?"

"Seriously, Robin? Did you have to talk about the number of fish that they caught in it? I've spent the last hour trying to get the picture of that bulging- never mind. I just thought of it again. Yuck! Anyway... I'm so glad we finally get to hang out, just the two of us!"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you're okay giving up your Friday night to hang with an old, almost-married lady!"

"Oh please. I'm so sick of the meat market scene. Guys are- like the subway. You miss one, another one comes along in five minutes."

"Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything."

Robin smiled. She really did like Lily. "Hey-oh!" And she high-fived Lily.

"Compliments of that guy." Carl butted into their conversation carrying drinks.

"Really? Sweet!" Lily exclaimed.

"Oh- for you it's six dollars." Robin cringed. Had she really thought that she could get rid of the meat market by coming into a bar?

Lily laughed a little. "I guess that's one drawback to being engaged. I'm sure that's why he didn't-"

And then a hulking idiot blocked Robin's view of her face. "Hey," he said, smirking like the great doofus he was.

"Oh, hello," Lily said. She was trying valiantly.

It was gong to be a long night.

* * *

They were back on the story. It really was a memorable incident. Lily was half-seriously chiding Robin for telling her. "I mean, why would you even repeat it. Ugh! Sometimes you remind me a little of Barney!" At that, Lily just fell apart giggling.

"I'm insulted that you would even use our names in the same sentence." Robin smiled.

"You're right; comparing you to Barney was pretty harsh. I'm not sure that I could stand being put down like that, Robin."

"It's the greatest I've ever been insulted in my life."

"But to be fair, you did deserve it." Lily made a stab at seriousness, but then relapsed into giggles. "Eww. Did the crows really jump into his-"

"Lily! People are listening!" Lily turned candy-apple red and sipped her drink. "And yes. They really did."

"Gross. It's infecting my brain, Robin." Lily looked a mixture of fascinated, repulsed and still rather giggly.

"Well, I'm soh-rry if-" Robin said in a Canadian accent.

"Soh-rry? Soh-rry? Who says soh-rry, Robin?" Lily cracked up again.

"Canadians."

"You're from Canada?"

Robin smiled. "Got a problem with that?"

"Not at all. So what was it like, growing up in Canada?" Lily was still smirking. Robin felt the tiniest stab of irritation under all the amusement. Only yesterday, Barney had found out that she was from Canada, and had spent the entire evening regaling her with all of the reasons why Canada was so lame. Did everyone in America have a problem with Canada? Honestly, if only she could introduce them to a real-life Canuck or a-

"Hey, gorgeous. You from Canada? I been to Canada. We should discuss this over drinks. Or other places if you want."

Robin turned to see a creepy looking man standing behind her, leering suggestively. He wasn't even worth throwing a drink at. She sighed. "Oh, really? You "been" to Canada? Well, suck on this, Hoser!" She Canadian-flipped him off. Don't ask how. She turned back to Lily, grinning.

"That felt good."

"Yeah, I bet." Lily looked a little forlorn. "Guys hit on me all the time too," she added.

Robin decided to change the subject. "So, where'd you live as a kid?"

"Well, I grew up in Park Slope."

"Oh, I love Park Slope, when'd you move to Manhattan-"

Another tap on her shoulder. "You're from Park Slope?" This guy looked almost as dopey as the first.

"Ah, no, she is." Robin gestured at Lily.

He merely nodded at her friend, then turned back to Robin. "So where you from? Heaven?" He looked her up and down. Ew. He really wasn't even worth making obscene gestures at.

"Yeah. I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago. Like that pick up line!"

Lily laughed. "Hey-oh!"

Robin smiled. "God, I'm sorry."

"Oh, believe me, I've been there. I have this line that I use when guys come over-" she looked to see yet another sleazebag making his way over to the bar- "check it out."

Yet the dude just planted himself firmly in front of Robin. "Hey."

Robin sighed inwardly as Lily said awkwardly, "You take this one, I'll- I'll save it for the next one."

This time she didn't even bother saying anything, just stood up and said to Lily, "I'm gonna go use the ladies' room real quick."

* * *

Inside the restroom Robin leaned her head on the side of the wall. She really hoped that guys would stop hitting on her. Oh, wait a second, had she just thought that males would ever stop hitting on random chicks at bars? Had she gone crazy? She rolled her eyes. She had hoped to get away from guys just for the night. She was tired of it- the sucky dates and the losers who ogled her one by one, the friends who called her sobbing at three am, and the monotony, the dreary, dreary monotony of the one night stands and jerks. She had thought, if Lily and her became close, then she would have a friend who wasn't involved in that. But that would never happen if Barney-like guys were coming over to her every five seconds. (No, not Barney-like. The sad thing was, Barney was way out of their league. At least he was hot.)

Poor Lily. She just couldn't compete with this, thought Robin half-sarcastically, looking at her reflection appreciatively. Okay, time to go back out and face the vultures.

* * *

As Robin was walking towards Lily, Lily called out to her. "Robin! Robin! Hey, I'm over here." She was wiggling her left hand enthusiastically in the air and Robin saw there was no ring on her finger. Strange. Did she really want guys hitting on her that bad? Robin guessed it would be kind of awkward, but taking off her engagement ring?

"Hey, Lily. I see you."

Lily grinned a little sheepishly. "Well, I wanted to be sure."

"Okay, then," said Robin, sitting down. "It's crazy in here. Why don't we go someplace else?"

"No, this place is great." What was she doing now- with her drink- and her lips? Maybe it was time to say something.

"What are you doing?

"What?" Lily mumbled.

"With your lips and everything."

"My lips are always like this." Really, Lily?

Robin just watched her for a few more minutes making a fool out of herself, only occasionally attempting to make conversation, until-

"Oh, look, a booth opened up."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I thought that we could finally go talk and... you're not listening to me." Fine. "So I'm going to walk away."

"Yeah, yeah, move."

Robin went and sat down in the booth, feeling dejected. No more girls' night outs, she swore. This is why she didn't usually do female bonding. She had thought an engaged woman would be safe, but apparently... She idly watched a gay guy talking to Lily and wondered what Barney was doing. And Ted. Marshall was studying old dry law books. She bet Barney was-

Her train of thought was interrupted by Lily's cell phone ringing. She decided to answer.

"Lily's phone," she said, and noticed that her voice sounded just a tinge bitter.

"Robin? Uh, where's Lily?" Marshall asked.

"She's... uh..." What was Lily doing?

"Is she talking to some hot guy?" What could she say, she thought, confused. "Oh, you can tell me, it's totally cool, it was my idea. Hell, I told her she could take the ring off"

Robin relaxed. "Really, well, I thought it was kind of weird, but if you're cool with it, yeah, it's off and she's talking to some guy. Do you want me to go over and-"

"No, don't interrupt, it's awesome." A pause. "So the ring's really off, huh? Awesome." Another pause. "Well, just... tell her I called... and tell her that she's... awesome."

"Marshall, I think the guy she's talking to is g- you hung up. Isn't that great. Now I'm stuck here all alone while my friend is busy torturing her fiance. And me? I'm just sitting here, talking to a phone." Robin sighed. She shouldn't let Lily do this to Marshall.

Robin walked back over to the bar."Lily, I thought tonight was about us hanging out, what are you doing?"

"Just fending off the advances of that totally hot guy."

"Dude, I think that guy is gay."

"Aah, I know that guy is gay. It's just- Marshall and I have been together for nine years. I haven't been single since high school."

Robin could only sort of believe her ears. "You want to be single? You want to fight off loser guys all night? Does that sound like fun to you?"

"I guess I just wanted to throw this net back into the ocean and see how many fish I could catch. So far, one. One gay dolphin!" Lily looked a little dejected.

"And Marshall. Lily, all these girls here tonight are all hoping to catch what you've already got!" Except for me, most nights, Robin thought. But even I can see the benefits. It'd be so much more practical to be in a committed relationship. Except for all of the drags to your independence that that entails.

"You're right, I know." Lily sounded normal again. "Hey, do you want to go get coffee and have an actual conversation?"

"If by coffee, you mean cheesecake, then yes." But before they could leave Gay Guy was back.

"Hey, I've got that club soda. Now let's see that booty."

"Thank you so much," Lily said.

Robin watched in amusement for a second as Lily bent over. Suddenly-

"You wanna mess, pal? That's my fiancee's hot backside that you're dabbing."

"Marshall, no!" Lily cried.

"Baby, please, don't ever take that ring off again, no matter how awesome I say that it is."

Gay Guy tried to intervene. "It's okay, man."

"Back off, hombre!" Marshall yelled, looking a little nervous. "I'm not that afraid to fight you! You wanna test this, guy? Be my guest!"

"Marshall, he's gay!" Lily said, looking amused.

"Oh thank God, I've never been in a fight before!"

"You don't say."

And then another guy was pulling Marshall off of Gay Guy and pounding him, and Robin was pulling him out, and Lily was fussing over a lump on his head, and the long and short of it was that Robin ended up going home alone, with promise of rescheduling their night out.

* * *

As she winded her way back home, all she could think was, And that's why committed relationships suck. But the only other person she knew who thought that too was unfortunately a loser. Barney... No, he was NOT invading her dreams again tonight. She was starting to get disturbed by this trend. She remembered how Lily had laughed and how they had said being compared to Barney was the worst insult possible.

Yeah, he was a loser. But he was still fun to sit next to at MacLaren's, fun to talk to and drink with. And he definitely appreciated that story more than Lily had.


	4. Booger

A/N: So I'm sorry this took so long to update. These take a while to write, what with rewatching multiple times and scanning for any good B/R moments, real or imaginary. (Let me know if I missed any!) Anyway, read and review! I can't tell you how much I love getting reviews. Please feel free to criticize any OOCness or anything else wrong with it as well. I hope you enjoy! Also, I don't own HIMYM.

Robin sighed. Barney and she had been bickering for half an hour.  
"I'm not going to say it, Barney."  
She was gratified by the sentiment. Work sucked lately, and between the stupid stories she was forced to cover and the fact that no one ever seemed to actually watch them, she did find it- nice that Barney had taken the time to watch the story she'd done last night, which happened to be a story on a kitten who had climbed into a bag of sugar- and really, if the word sugar rhymed with booger, was it his fault? That certainly was in her head when she was interviewing the fussy owners of the animal: "_And what did you think when you found Snuffles in the sugar-_" _booger- "Were you worried he might have ingested the sugar-" booger- "Why the hell did you leave a half full sack of sugar open in the middle of the floor, you morons-" booger booger booger-  
_So she didn't blame Barney. But she didn't appreciate the fact that he was trying to rub in her face that no one watched her show but him. Maybe there was some point behind it- yes, she needed to start looking for another job, everyone knew that, but couldn't she just stay here a while longer? She _knows _she's better than everyone else at Metro News One and so sue her if that isn't a gratifying feeling- what was she saying. God, when did everything become so emotional? She shoved that back down and went back to the argument.  
"If I say booger on live news, it's going to be on tape forever. Anyone who wants to hire me in the future can just see it, right there."  
"But it's booger. I mean, come on, Robin, _booger._" Ah, screw it, she totally wanted to say booger on the news.  
"Well..." Robin looked up and saw Ted. Oh Lord, look at that awful shirt.  
"Nice shirt," she said. She checked him out.  
"Look at those colors! Green and brown, together at last," Lily cried. Robin looked at Barney and smirked. She saw that he was still staring at her, his eyes boring into hers. For a second, she felt drawn into the game- it was booger, after all- but then Ted sat down, talking about a new life philosophy or some crap.  
"That's the crazy part," he said, responding to a remark Marshall had made. "I've had this shirt for like six years, until this morning I wasn't into it at all, but now, it's like my tastes have changed."  
"BOOGER." She couldn't help smirking a little bit. He really did not know how to change the subject.

"Yes, hello, Barney." Robin felt she should explain.  
"Barney's offered me fifty bucks to say some stupid word on a live news report," she said, and gave Barney the sulky look he deserved.  
"Not some stupid word. Booger," Barney said. (Heh, booger, Robin thought, then looked at Ted and Marshall and Lily and shook herself.)  
"But I'm not doing it. I am a _journalist._" Oh, screw it, she couldn't even convince herself.  
"What! Journalist?" Or apparently Barney, either. "You do the little fluff pieces at the end of the news. Old people. Babies. Monkeys. That's not journalism, that's just things in a diaper." Marshall almost spat out his drink. It wasn't THAT funny, she said to herself.  
"For your information," Robin replied, giving him her best "superior" look, "my boss is about to bump me up to... the City Hall Beat." She turned to Lily with a proud little smirk.  
"City Hall, Miss Thing!" Lily cried.  
"So, I'm not going to jeopardize my promotion by saying booger for fifty bucks." Robin smiled. She had bested him with her awesomeness.  
"Of course not. 'Cause now you're saying 'nipple' and it's one hundred," he replied. "_Step into my web..." _He beckoned like the giant dork that he was.  
"Aaagh, whose bourbon is this?" said Ted.  
"Oh, I don't know, it was here when we sat down," Lily said helpfully.  
"Aaagh." Robin sipped her drink primly and smirked a little across the table over the rim. "The point is," Ted continued (apparently there was a point), "I seem to like bourbon now. I could have sworn I hated bourbon. First the shirt, now bourbon. I spend twenty seven years making up my mind about things, right, the movie I saw once and hated, the city I'll never go back to because it was raining the day I visited. Maybe it's time to start forming some second impressions."  
"You're finally gonna watch 'Goonies' again!" Marshall exclaimed, excited. "Sloth love chunk," he added, to make his point.  
"Not 'Goonies!' Girls! What if there's someone from my past who I thought was wrong for me at the time, but she, like this shirt, is actually a perfect fit!"  
"Hold up," Barney interjected. "There are only two reasons to ever date a girl you've already dated. Breast. Implants." Robin snorted, shaking her head at him. He was incorrigible.  
"This isn't a bad idea," Lily said. "Let's think. Ted's greatest hits." _Heh._ "What about that girl, Steph?"  
"Steph... mmm... she was the one who made all of those-er- adult films."  
"Yeah," Marshall said, smiling, "like a hundred and seventy five, right?"  
"Yes," said Ted, a little glumly, "in one month."  
"Say what you will about the porn industry, they're hard workers."  
"What about that chick-um- Jackie," Marshall suggested.  
"Jackie- aaaaah- no." Ted said firmly.  
"What about Natalie?" Lily said.  
Marshall and Ted made oohs and aahs. "Natalie," they cooed. Dudes. They were almost always three quarter girl.  
"Who's _Natalie_?" Robin asked.  
Ted didn't seem to hear her, lost in a reverie. She rolled her eyes at Barney, who in turn mouthed, _Ted dumped a porn star_?  
"Man, I haven't seen her in like three years."  
"Why'd you guys break up?"  
"I just wasn't looking for a big commitment at the time. 'Course, now a big commitment doesn't seem so bad. Maybe I should call her. Whaddyou guys think?"  
"You dumped a _porn star_?" Barney apparently couldn't hold it any longer. "Friendship over. FRIENDSHIP OVER." He stormed out of the bar.  
Robin looked over at Lily and giggled. "Okay, I should go too, gotta get to work. Do any of you want to split a cab?" They all shook their heads. "Well, you're helpful."  
"Maybe Barney will split one with you."  
"That sounds fun." She rolled her eyes. "Well, bye."

* * *

Barney was standing outside on the curb.  
"Wanna split a cab?"  
"He DUMPED a PORN STAR."  
"He did indeed. _Want to split a cab_?"  
"He DUMPED A PORN STAR."  
"Are you surprised?"  
"I'm surprised he scored one in the first place."  
"Well, maybe she was recruiting."  
"What?"  
"Although he'd make a rather unattractive porn actress."  
He looked at her in surprise, then smiled. "Want to split a cab?"  
She almost said something, then smiled back. "Sure. Great idea."

* * *

Robin considered Ted's theory in the cab ride home for a minute. Was there really anything in her past that deserved reevaluation? Let's see... Scotch. Good. Babies. Bad. Those were the easies. Hmm... Penguins and hockey, good. That annoying bitch who lived across the hall and was always baking things and being all nice, bad. Hmmm. Those seemed pretty solid. Guns were definitely good and Barney definitely- well. Her first impression of him had been mixed. She looked at him appraisingly. He was still muttering about the porn star. Her eyes lingered on his well shaped body, his arms, his-  
"Scherbatsky!"  
"What!" She jumped.  
"You were checking me out!"  
"Was not!"  
"Was too!"  
"You were SO checking me out! Does she likes what she sees?" He made several leering facial expressions accompanied by equally ridiculous body positions.  
She rolled her eyes.  
"Anyway. Nipple. Come on, Scherbatsky, NIPPLE. It would be legen- wait for it-"  
He made her wait for it the rest of the cab ride.  
"Dary! Legendary, Scherbatsky, consider it!" He shouted out the window as she walked off quickly. She smirked. He was SO ridiculous.

* * *

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Adams."  
"Yes I did. I need you to cover a story. It's down at City Hall."  
"City Hall?" she gasped. Maybe this was it. Maybe this was finally her big break. She fantasized about it. Would it be a squabble over some governmental regulation? Maybe it was a new levy being put into effect? Maybe-

* * *

When she saw it was a hot dog stand, it took her a second to remember that Scherbatsky men don't cry. Pull it together, RJ.

* * *

Maybe it was half Freudian slip and half purposeful, when she said nipple on the news. She didn't really know. But she did have a moment there, afterwards, before she remembered that she was a professional journalist, that was pure legendary satisfaction.

* * *

"I said nipple on the news. That was so unprofessional- I said NIPPLE on the NEWS!" she exclaimed to Lily later.  
"At least it's better than booger. Heh. Booger." Real helpful, Lily, thanks.  
Robin rested her head in her hand. What would her boss say? It was still a job, and maybe it wasn't the best job, but if she got fired, then there was certainly no hope of a better.  
Then came the bang of the door.  
"There she is." Great. It was his stupid fault anyway. Stupid Barney. "Hey, is it cold in here? 'Cause I can kinda see Robin's _ nickels_."  
Lily giggled, and Robin rolled her eyes. But maybe it was kinda funny.  
"Now, for your next challenge-"  
"There's not going to be another challenge." If there was, she'd probably just end up doing it, and that would look really bad on a resume. "I don't care how much you offer me," she said, as she took the money, and she almost smiled at the thought of all of the scotch this would buy.  
"Oh, search your soul, Robin." Crap. He was going to convince her, wasn't he? "You and I both know this wasn't about the money. Sure, Metro News One pays you jack-" sad but true- "and hey, a little green salad on the side's good for you, me and Mr. McGee-"  
"Seriously, who talks like that?" Lily interjected. Robin gave her an, 'I know, right?" look.  
"But what Baby really likes is the thrill of pulling one over on those bean counters who under appreciate you, and still haven't promoted you." Yup. He was convincing her. Damn it, why was it Barney Stinson of all people who had to be always right? "And so for two more hundysticks, baby's gonna look in the camera and say this-" he leaned over and breathed in her ear. "You're gonna tell 'em what you are, Scherbatsky- tell 'em you're a dirty dirty girl. With a- spank-" he popped the p- "for good measure."  
"Eeww!" Robin looked over at Lily, confused. "I'm just assuming," she clarified.  
"I gotta get back to work." She didn't really, but she had to get Barney out of her head. The sad thing was that she was a little turned on right now. "See ya," she said.  
Barney looked at her, eyebrows raised. She sighed. "Baby's gonna think about it." And she was. A lot.  
He clicked his tongue, and she smirked again.

* * *

Of course she did say it. With a spank for good measure. Even added an "Ow!" for extra effect.

* * *

When Mr. Adams asked to see her, she panicked. This is what comes when you listen to Barney, she scolded herself.  
"Before you say anything, let me just say that I really like working here at Metro News One and-"  
"That's great. So, my dog keeps going BWAAHH BWAAHH BWAAHH..."

* * *

She drank a lot that night. She could handle her alcohol pretty well, but it did make her a lot more emotional, so she went down to the shooting range. Stupid, stupid Barney. And stupid Robin. If she thought about it, she really had wanted to do it.  
She almost wondered if this had been his point all along- to make her realize how truly dead-end her job was. If so, he had succeeded. She then wondered why.  
Bang. Bang. Bang.

* * *

"LOVED IT! Awesome job, Scherbatsky. And the little 'ow-' genius. You're a star."  
"Whatever. What else?"  
"Three hundred dollars. Just do- something- with those." He made hand gestures.  
"Yes, Barney, these are breasts. Like you haven't seen them before."  
"Yeah, but still, never gets old," he said, ogling them.  
She rolled her eyes and stood up to go. But wait, she couldn't resist.  
"Want a look?"  
He made several noises. "Yes, please," she finally made out.  
"Well, you're not getting one." She strutted away.  
Oh, what the hell. It was just Marshall and Ted's apartment.  
She pulled up her shirt. His jaw dropped.  
She grinned. "That'll be double what you were going to pay me."  
"SO worth it," he said, when he could finally make noise.  
It put her in a better mood all day.

* * *

"I've got to do the mature thing. I've got to break up with her," Ted was saying as she headed over to their booth. (Good, good, he was wasting his time with that dumb chick anyway.)  
"Want to talk mature? I just wrapped up a live newscast by honking my own boobs." She smiled sarcastically and turned to Barney expectantly.  
"And great TV was had by all." He pulled out a wad of cash. "Alright, Scherbatsky, new challenge. And this one's big. But so is the cash reward. For one thousand dollars- you heard me- all you have to do is get up there on the news and do one of these." He did a very odd looking dance.  
"What the hell is that?"  
"The Ickey Shuffle," all of the group chorused.  
"That," Barney said, pointing at the group, "and as you do it, you say this: 'Elbert "Ickey" Woods. The Bengals were fools to cut you in '91. Your one thousand, five hundred and twenty five rushing yards and your twenty-seven touchdowns will not be forgotten. So Coach Dave Shula, screw you and your crappy steakhouse."  
(Or at least that's what the napkin said that he wrote it down on.)  
"What do I care, it's not like anyone's watching anyway, right?" Except for Barney, but he was just watching in case she did something disastrous.

* * *

That poor old guy, driving a horse-drawn cab. She had felt sorry for him, and besides, she couldn't let Barney win, could she?

* * *

When she was sitting humiliated in the bar, next to Barney, she just wanted to curl up and die. Why did it have to be that night, with everyone watching?  
"But isn't it nice to know people are watching?" Barney asked sarcastically.

* * *

Ted came in all miserable. Robin reached over to comfort him. He was like a poor sick dog.  
"Hey Ted, you know what always picks me up when I'm down? Other people's misfortune. You missed something so amazing-"  
"Please, can we just have one person in this whole bar who didn't see it?" she asked without much hope.  
To her surprise, he just said, "Fine."  
"Are you okay?" Lily asked Ted.  
"I really thought I was doing it the good way this time. I guess there is no good way. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just end up flat on your back, flailing around in a big pile of horse crap." OH. That's why Barney was okay with it. "You're going against the Internet now," Ted added almost needlessly.  
She pouted, Barney cackled, and Ted put his arms around her. She shook them off when she got into an arm wrestling contest with Barney (needless to say, she kicked his ass) and to bicker some more. All and all, it was an okay night.


	5. Not So Awesome

A/N: Thanks to everyone who's reviewed/favorited/followed this story so far! Sorry for the wait. I hope you enjoy this, although I've never been particularly fond of this episode so that may reflect. Anyway, please review! Also I am not the owner of HIMYM.

In the beginning of 2005 Robin moved to New York City. After a few weeks, she joined a gym, which she then proceeded to work out in _maybe_ once a month, because, well, it was a gym.

In October, she got the notice that her six-month membership was about to expire, so she decided to go, just for the hell of it and to make up her mind about renewing it. She was about to enter the building when-

"Robin Scherbatsky?" It was a kind of skeevy looking bald guy who was staring avidly at her boobs.

She jumped. "Umm..."

"Robin Scherbatsky! Metro News One's best reporter!"

"Yes! I mean, yes, I work for Metro News One." She was internally jumping for glee.

"You, ma'am, are, well... talented." He was such a nice guy, who was definitely not staring at her chest.

"Yes! I mean, thank you."

"Steven. My name is, uh, Steven."

"Nice to meet you." A little reluctantly, she turned to go into the gym.

"Hey, er- Ms. Scherbatsky- can I call you Ms. Scherbatsky?- I was wondering..."

"Oh, that's really nice of you to ask, but um, I'm seeing someone right now. Sorry, Steven."

"That's- um- not what I meant, exactly- I was just wondering if you wanted to stop by my- erm- club sometime."

_Ew_. She really hoped he meant 'club.' "Well... um... where is it, exactly? 'Cause-"

"It's called Okay? You might have heard of it?"

"_Okay_?" _This_ guy owned Okay? "Sure, I can stop by sometime!"

"Awesome! You can bring a friend, if you want. And I'll get you into the VIP room!"

"That sounds amazing! Thank you so much, Steven!" _VIP_!

"Anything for Ms. Robin Scherbatsky of Metro News One!" Damn it, he was staring at her chest again.

"Well, nice meeting you, Steven." She hurried away, and as she turned and smiled (the owner of Okay was a fan of her reporting!)- yup, he was staring at her ass.

* * *

As she was walking away, she thought about how her friends would act at a club. Barney would mack on every girl in sight, Marshall and Lily would mack on each other, and Ted- oh dear God, Ted.

She pulled out her phone and dialed. "Hey, Kelly!"

* * *

"Say you're my bitch."

"I'm your bitch. Why this time?"

Robin had been getting happier all day. Her reporting was really taking off! She couldn't believe it! She was VIP enough to get into Okay! Several times at work she had paused in the middle of reporting to grin stupidly at the camera before remembering that this was the reason she was getting famous and putting on a more serious face.

"Because tonight I'm getting us all into-" _wait for it-_ "Okay."_  
_

"Okay? Awesome!" Barney cried. She was surprised he didn't offer a high five. She deserved one, didn't she?

"What's going on? Did I just have a stroke?" Ted said. Of course Ted didn't know what Okay was. How could he not, though? He lived in New York, didn't he?

"Okay is the name of a club," Barney explained. "Yeah, it's supposed to be incredibly exclusive. This friend of mine once waited outside for two hours, couldn't get in."

"A friend of yours named you?"

"No, a friend of mine named _shut up_."

Robin couldn't keep it in any longer. "Yeah, well, the owner goes to my gym- it turns out that he is a fan of my reporting for Metro News One, so now I'm on the list for tonight." She beamed around the table. Was there anything greater than this?

"Nice going, Scherbatsky," Ted said. "You're becoming a long and difficult to spell household name."

Robin smiled, but internally she was thinking, _household name? HOUSEHOLD NAME? Oh yeah, Robin Scherbatsky was a HOUSEHOLD NAME!_

"He's even getting me into the VIP room."

"Yeah," Barney scoffed. "He just wants to show you his own VIP, if you know what I mean."

She remembered Steven staring at her boobs. "Alright, what does VIP stand for in your little universe?" she asked, sort of to change the subject.

"Well, I know the P is Penis," he said. Real well thought out, Barney, she thought, and grinned.

"Great, so you guys are in. Should I invite Marshall and Lily?"

They laughed. Robin stared at them. "What's so funny?"

Barney sighed. "Scherbatsky, haven't you noticed anything- well, let's just say decidedly less than awesome- about the way the Mr. and Mrs. Lily Aldrins have been acting lately?"

Ted cut in. "Lily realized the other day that they should act more 'grown up,' and not just sit at the bar all night. The other day she planned a wine tasting party, and ever since then she's been signing them up for book clubs, cooking classes-"

"All the things you do when you know where your next thousand lays are coming from," Barney added. She smiled. Amen to that.

"So, no, Lily and Marshall will _not_ be joining us," Ted finished.

"Anyway, Ted, part two of my story. My friend Kelly's gonna be there."

"Kelly, who supposedly I'm going to love."

"Oh, you are going to love Kelly." Let's hope. "She's fun, she's smart, she lives in the moment..."

"Translation- she's ugly, she's ugly, she uggs in the ugly."

"Oh, and she's totally hot."

"Okay. I guess I could take her off of your hands for an evening." _Yeah you will_, she smiled at him. Sometimes she couldn't believe she had gone out with this guy, even if it was just for an evening. He was cute though. Like a basset hound puppy.

"So, do you have any other hot, single friends-"

"No." _Never, never, never_ would any girl touch Barney Stinson by her doing. "Kelly works in the newsroom, and she..."

* * *

She and Kelly (who she really didn't know all that much about- they were just co-workers) arrived a little early. Okay was basically pounding with loud music.

"So, where's this Ted guy?" Kelly asked.

"He'll be here any minute. Here, go get some drinks and I'll wait for them downstairs. And then I'll go in the-" she leaned in a little bit- "VIP room."

"'Kay." Kelly ran over to the bar. That was when she decided she hated Kelly's guts. But oh well. Maybe Ted would like her.

* * *

She greets Barney and Ted with a cry of, "My bitches!" because they totally are. Robin Scherbatsky is VIP, bitches! Wooo!

"Check this out," she said. "They're with me," she says to the dude with the clipboard, and they're let in. She is all powerful!

She sticks out her tongue and wiggles her shoulders at Barney. Good grief, what is he wearing? He looks like he's wrapped in alumnium foil.

* * *

She has her pick of insults for Barney- he looks SO FRIGGIN' STUPID- but she chooses instead to give him a superior look as they walk down the hall.

"This place seems great," Ted said. "Is- Kelly here?" She gave him credit for holding that one in as long as he did.

"Yeah, she's around somewhere. Uh, let's go find her, I'll introduce you guys. Then," she said, totally cool, "I should probably duck into the VIP room. It's so stupid and arbitrary, isn't it, who gets to be a VIP and who doesn't?"

"Can we come?" Ted asked.

"It's not _that_ arbitrary." Damn, she was good with the whole superiority thing. VIP! VIP! VIP!

* * *

Ted of course immediately started moaning about how loud it was, but she ignored him. It was kind of catchy, that thumping bass line.

* * *

Maybe it _was_ a little loud, but she managed by gestures to introduce Kelly to Ted. Kelly just had to hug her, didn't she? Bitch. Aah, she was okay.

* * *

It hurt, okay? When her name wasn't on the list? She tried calling, again and again, but it didn't work. Even _Marshall_ got in.

* * *

"Hey!"

"Hey." There was Lily. She bet even Lily could get in. Like, the bouncer's kids are in her kindergarten class or something.

"Marshall just ditched out on our own party. Can you get me in there? I kinda need to kill him."

"Actually, I can't even get myself in." Realization had been slowly settling upon her for the last half hour. "I'm such a dork. I get recognized one time and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. I'm no VIP. I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lowly little P, sitting out here in the gutter." Oh, so many jokes to make. If only this were funny. P in the gutter indeed.

"You know something?" Lily said. "I'd take a P in the gutter to Julia Roberts any day." They laughed a little. It really was kind of funny.

"Thanks, Lil." She rubbed her forehead. Ugh. Sometimes life sucked. "So, what were you saying about Marshall?"

"He just left. In the middle of our own party. You don't _do_ that." Robin gave her a look. "Unless of course you're chasing after someone who's already done it and then- then I think it's okay."

Okay, Lil, time to cut the crap. "Well I hate to take his side but come on, a wine tasting? What's the big plan for next Saturday, Scrabble night?"

Lily looked crestfallen. "Don't check your email."

"Why are you becoming this person? I heard that in college you flashed a campus tour group on a dare."

"Once on a dare! The other times were just for fun." Lily sighed a little. "I'm not in college anymore. I'd love to go back and be that person again, but you can't move backwards. You can only go forwards."

"Um, false, you can go where ever you want. I guess the question is where do you want to go?"

"I want to go in this club and find my fiance."

And we're back to that. "Well, that you can't do."

"Wanna bet? Follow my lead." Lily got up. Robin watched as she strode confidently up to the bouncer and flashed him.

"I said follow my lead," Lily said. For a moment Robin teetered, thinking how unfair it was that it wasn't her hard work to get her in, but her boobies. But then she decides that boobies aren't so bad after all, and she flashes the club bouncer, and they march upstairs to the pounding music.

* * *

They pass Ted on their way in. He seems to have screwed things up with Kelly- Robin's sure they'll all hear the story later- but has now found a new pastime, flirting with the Coat Girl. She smiles a little, half glad that Ted's over her and that maybe they'll all be friends for time immemorial and half just a little crestfallen that he was able to get over her just that easily. She doesn't exactly need more blows to her self esteem tonight.

* * *

They make their way up the stairs, back to the thumping music, and Lily goes off to find and flay Marshall. Robin walks to the bar. She _really _needs a drink. Life sucks.

She's female, so she gets a beer almost immediately. She turns and bumps into- big surprise- Barney, who is in some sort of trouble. He looks pale and is in a rush.

"What's up?" she screams.

He shouts something that, she's pretty sure, would be unintelligible even if she were able to hear him.

"You-okay?" she asks between thumps.

"I've-been-grind-ing-on-my-cousin-all-night!" he finally gasps out.

"That-sucks."

"What-if-she-tells-my-mom?" He looks like a terrified little boy.

"Re-lax-she-won't. She-was-grinding-with-you-too."

"I-guess." He shudders. "Let's-get-out-of-here."

"Sounds-good. Tonight-sucked."

He squeezes his way downstairs to find Ted, and she takes a moment to watch his shiny shirt before going to find Kelly. Maybe he's right, maybe she is attracted to shiny things, because he looks damn good.


End file.
